sk0t.com

2007/01/31
JANUARY IN REVIEW

This month wasn't anything new for me. It was most of the same. Every moment of everyday, my looming prison time was on the forefront of my thoughts... I hate beating a dead horse, but that is the only thing I can think about (which I am sure you all will understand). One important development is that I have stopped giving a damn about what my friends do or think. I know that sounds shallow and uncaring... but I can't be plagued by their thoughts and my own. I just can't take all that upon myself right now.
--January was/is the last full month that I got to spend outside of prison. Now, with a little over 2 weeks until I head off to West Virginia, it is becoming ever more bothersome for me. I can't sleep, I can't seem to occupy my thoughts with anything other than the obvious.
--As of now, all my arrangements are made, and there isn't much that I have left to do.... but wait.

I will post more later on.

// sk0t @ 3:57 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/25
Torment vs Happiness

Happiness hasn't been a popular theme in my life these past few years. With the thought of litigation, to the hearings, trickling down to the sentence... and now looming prison time, I feel as though I tapped out when it comes to emotional self-monitoring. Problems with friends, problems with family, and problems of my own volition have brought me to a place that isn't who I want to be. Of course I never thought I would be waiting for the day to come where I have to report to prison... nor did I ever think that I would be anywhere near this situation... but unfortunately the Great Design for my life has brought me to where I am.
-I have done a lot of terrible things in my life. Things that I try so tremendously hard to forget. And it always leads me down to one thought... maybe I deserve all this. Not justice, per sae... but maybe with all of the things I have done in my life, and my view on the world, maybe this is 'just'. Maybe this is punishment for being who I am. The ones who know me best might agree, and then might not. But I can't help but think that I am being punished for all the bad things in my life. Things that can't be changed... nor resolved.
-I don't concede to defeat easily, and this is no different. My stubbornness towards reality prevents me from being anything but a pure cynic.
-All that is left for me is to prepare to go to battle. Five months in a strange place, with strange people, hours from my home.... maybe it will show me what reality really is, when I have everything stripped from me. It's January 25, 2007, and I will not go willingly into the dark, I will shine strong in the midst of torment and hate. And I am not alone.

// sk0t @ 4:06 AM :: Comments [4] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/24
Tick Tock... Tick Tock...

Time is counting down on me... and February 15th is coming as fast as it can. I finally got my letter in the mail from the US Marshalls... telling me that I must arrive at the prison in Morgantown, WV, on Feb 15th @ before 2:00PM.
--Oh what a world... I have been asked by a local reporter if she can interview me for a story she wants to do. I have talked to some people about it, and some think it is a good idea, and some don't. I guess I am undecided about it... I don't really want the whole city (although they have had a couple chances to read about me anyways) to know my story... Oh well... maybe just to indulge my curiosity I will give her a call sometime before I leave. I am sure she will write a classy article about me and my problems... but who knows...

This is just a quick update for you all... I don't really have much to say. I have been pretty depressed lately. With my impending prison time, the forgetfulness of some of my friends... and the overall lack of care between the people in my everyday life. I know that most of you think that I am wrong for the way I feel... but at a time when you need people the most, it seems like I get betrayal over loyalty.... I never forget anyone or anything, I make it a point to be considerate when it comes to things that must be remembered, and people... and it seems like I get forgotten more often than not... Oh well, I will be gone soon, and they can forget about me all they want. Five months is long, but it isn't that long...

// sk0t @ 3:05 AM :: Comments [4] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/19
**UPDATE**

I thought it was about time I give you guys a little update on what is going on with me.
-I have been a little depressed lately, which I would assume is normal due to the present circumstances that surround me.
-I also have regained a bit of cynicism surrounding my friends. The ever popular belief of mine, that friends USE friends, is beginning to shine stronger than I originally proposed.
-I have also decided on a course of action, surrounding the outside world for when I am incarcerated. I have created a few plans, and I need to run some more mental contingencies before I fully accept my idea, but as far as I am concerned it is brilliant. It will either validate my theories on life and friendship, or it will shatter them completely. Fact of the matter is, there is no better time to test these theories... and once I return from my little sabbatical from life, I will publish my theories here for you all to read.

I wont patronize any of you, although, some of you will be tested... in an ambiguous way. I will continue to post, well before I go, and long after I return. Whether I am proven wrong, or my theories held high.

I have less than a month before I am gone. And I hope that you all of you still read this... for it is just getting started.

// sk0t @ 4:22 AM :: Comments [8] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/17
Blogger Feature

It seems that blogger has an EMAIL POST feature, that creates an email address for me on the blogger server, and it will allow me to (HOPEFULLY) post to my site while I am away. I have no idea if I will be able to visit my site... or surf the interweb while I am away... but atleast I can post (hopefully).

I will be checking that out, and hopefully corresponding with most of you while I am away.

It is just a late night for me. Can't sleep... preoccupied by my 3+ weeks left before hell.

// sk0t @ 3:33 AM :: Comments [1] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/12
**UPDATE**

I have been contacted by the US Marshalls and I have been designated to a prison.

I will be located at FCI Morgantown (located in Morgantown, WV).

I have the address at which you can send me letters and such:

Scott McCausland
20464-068
FCI MORGANTOWN
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
P.O. BOX 1000
MORGANTOWN, WV 26507

I will be reporting to FCI Morgantown on February 15, 2007 @ 2:00PM.

// sk0t @ 5:05 PM :: Comments [3] :: Digg This ::

It's Time

According to the Bureau of Prisons website (www.bop.gov) My letter is on its way. Which means that in, what more than likely will be less than 2 weeks, I will have to report to the prison that it declares.

If you would like to take a look at the BOP website for my information: CLICK HERE

So, if you haven't done so already, please give me your address. And if I am able to post while gone, I will. If not, I have 2 friends who will be posting on my behalf.

Thanks.

// sk0t @ 2:39 PM :: Comments [1] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/10
PROGRESS

Lets discuss progress...

"progress (noun - prog-res, -ruhs): the development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level."

The maturation of just myself in the current instance of ended litigation has been abundant. I have learned more about myself on a psychological level than I had in my entire existence. I have been (forgive the box quote) "put through the ringer", and yet I still sit here and post about it. That shows me that I am stronger than my past... I have overcome some serious situations before, but this one (again) 'takes the cake'. Many of you might not realize who I am... a complete cynic with an aptitude for believing that I am better than everyone. It isn't that I am better, it is just that I truly believe that I can not be outdone. Whether that is a delusion of grandeur or just mediocrity in the face inhibition, we won't know. But I am a firm believer in the principle that PEOPLE LIE...

Onto the title of this post: PROGRESS

Many people will come to think that I am a a strong person for what I have been through... and that if I can handle this, than I can handle anything (again with the box quote). But, that isn't progress. I haven't truly learned anything from this experience... I haven't been brainwashed to believe that by downloading I am starving people who create this 'intellectual property'; that I violated. I haven't learned that the Justice Department is altruistic (we all know that I am not). And I haven't learned that our world is a just place, and that we should revel in the fact that our government takes care of its own.

I will tell you what I know from this (I won't say learned because this is what I always thought). People are self-righteous slobs, with a desire to better themselves. My current situation has nothing to do with stopping downloading, and ridding the world of these pirate bandits. It has to do with sending a whole-hearted lie to the American public, telling them that there is something they can do to stop this... when we all know that what I did, is the same as hundreds of thousands of people...

And, now.... with looming prison-time ahead... and a life full of injustices because of my 2 felony convictions... I still hold my head up high... because I know who I was before this, who I am now, and who I will be when it is over...

// sk0t @ 1:18 AM :: Comments [7] :: Digg This ::

PROGRESS

Lets discuss progress...

"progress (noun - prog-res, -ruhs): the development of an individual or society in a direction considered more beneficial than and superior to the previous level."

The maturation of just myself in the current instance of ended litigation has been abundant. I have learned more about myself on a psychological level than I had in my entire existence. I have been (forgive the box quote) "put through the ringer", and yet I still sit here and post about it. That shows me that I am stronger than my past... I have overcome some serious situations before, but this one (again) 'takes the cake'. Many of you might not realize who I am... a complete cynic with an aptitude for believing that I am better than everyone. It isn't that I am better, it is just that I truly believe that I can not be outdone. Whether that is a delusion of grandeur or just mediocrity in the face inhibition, we won't know. But I am a firm believer in the principle that PEOPLE LIE...

Onto the title of this post: PROGRESS

Many people will come to think that I am a a strong person for what I have been through... and that if I can handle this, than I can handle anything (again with the box quote). But, that isn't progress. I haven't truly learned anything from this experience... I haven't been brainwashed to believe that by downloading I am starving people who create this 'intellectual property; that I violated. I haven't learned that the Justice Department is altruistic (we all know that I am not). And I haven't learned that our world is a just place, and that we should revel in the fact that our government takes care of its own.

I will tell you what I know from this (I won't say learned because this is what I always thought). People are self-righteous slobs, with a desire to better themselves. My current situation has nothing to do with stopping downloading, and ridding the world of these pirate bandits. It has to do with sending a whole-hearted lie to the American public, telling them that there is something they can do to stop this... when we all know that what I did, is the same as hundreds of thousands of people...

And, now.... with looming prison-time ahead... and a life full of injustices because of my 2 felony convictions... I still hold my head up high... because I know who I was before this, who I am now, and who I will be when it is over...

// sk0t @ 1:18 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/04
INSIGHT

I thought I would give you a little insight as to who I am... and what it feels like to be me:

I am 24 years old right now... at the beginning of this new year. I have a girlfriend (Jeni) and munchkin (Kailyn). I listen to various types of music, and I play/watch every sport imaginable. I am an avid computer fan. And I am partial to solitude over large congregations. I used to be 'that guy' to everyone, now I am 'that guy' to no one. On December 19th, I was sentenced to prison. And as soon as I receive a letter from the US Marshalls, I will be leaving for 5 months. I will spend it in a minimum security prison camp (not BOOT CAMP). I will leave everything, and everyone behind, and spend almost half a year in hell. Call it what you may, a gift from God (that it is only 5 months), or a generous judge, but 5 months away from family, friends, and the world, is hell.

Unfortunately, I am a pretty open book. My world revolves now around a ticking clock... a clock that won't turn slower, so I have time to prepare, nor a clock that will turn faster, to help me with a speedy completion.

I am stuck right now in an unwavering oblivion, for I dont know what to fully expect, but I know it will not be fun.

--There you have it, a small insight into who I am. A broken man....

// sk0t @ 5:28 AM :: Comments [2] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/03
Ubuntu Edgy

I has been a couple days since my migration to Ubuntu. So far so good, I am getting the hang of installing things, (which is a monumental task in comparison to Windows [XP])... also, it runs so smooth compared to anything else either. There is no need for Virus protection, Defragging, or reboot on a regular basis (although I am used to the occasional reboot, I no longer need to). So things are going well... most importantly, there are no illegal items on my PC at all, everything is free with Linux (unless proprietary).

All in all... I am completely happy with this change. And for those of you who know me... I HATE CHANGE.

// sk0t @ 12:50 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::

2007/01/01
New Year, New OS, New Life

Well it is the beginning of 2007. I have made a few changes... I have migrated to Ubuntu 6.10, which is a version of Linux based on the Debian OS. It is really user friendly, and it prevents me from the tempation of installing or download illegal software, because most *nix software is free under the GNU.

I had a good New Years, how was yours.

Labels: Software

// sk0t @ 3:19 AM :: Comments [0] :: Digg This ::